“Pretending that it can be when it can’t is how people break their hearts.” Elvin Semrad 

Relentless hope is a defense to which clients cling in order not to have to feel the pain of their disappointment in the object – the hope a defense ultimately against grieving. The refusal to deal with the pain of their grief about the object (be it the infantile, a contemporary, or the transference object) fuels the relentlessness with which such clients pursue it, both the relentlessness of their hope that they might yet be able to make the object over into what they would want it to be and the relentlessness of their outrage in those moments of dawning recognition that, despite their best efforts and most fervent desire, they might never be able to make that actually happen. 

Psychotherapy offers these clients an opportunity, albeit belatedly, to grieve their early-on heartbreak – in the process transforming their defensive need to hold on into the adaptive capacity to relent, to forgive, to accept, to “internalize” the “good that had been,” to separate, to let go, and to move on. Realistic hope will arise in the context of surviving their disappointment and heartbreak. In truth, it could be said that maturity involves transforming the infantile need to have one’s objects be other than who they are into the healthy capacity to accept them as they are. 

With an eye always to the translation of theoretical concepts into clinical practice and by way of offering a number of clinical vignettes, I will be focusing my 2-hour presentation on the actual “working through” of grief as the client begins to confront the painful reality of the object’s limitations, separateness, and immutability. I will demonstrate the powerful impact of using optimally stressful, growth-incentivizing “disillusionment statements” that have been strategically designed to juxtapose what the client “had hoped” with what the patient “is coming to realize.” The ultimate goal will be translation of the client’s relentless hope into sober, mature acceptance of the heartbreaking reality that it “was what it was” and “is what it is.” Sadder perhaps they will be, but wiser too… 

“True happiness is not about getting what you want but coming to want and appreciate what you have.” Japanese Saying 

After attending this intermediate-level program, participants will be able to 

1. explain why relentless hope is a defense
2. summarize what the relentless client is refusing to confront
3. construct a growth-incentivizing disillusionment statement designed to facilitate grieving
4. discuss the relationship between grieving and adaptive internalization
5. demonstrate the importance of relenting and evolving ultimately to a place of serene acceptance

GOAL 1: Program is relevant to psychological practice, education, and/or science.

STANDARD 1.3: Program content focuses on topics related to psychological practice, education, or research other than application of psychological
assessment and/or intervention methods that are supported by contemporary scholarship grounded in established research procedures.

General Admission: $30

TCSPP Faculty/Staff/Alumni: $20

Students: $15

(Please email [email protected] for coupon code)

Refund Policy: This program is non-refundable.

Martha Stark, MD / Faculty, Harvard Medical School

Martha Stark, MD, a graduate of Harvard Medical School and the Boston Psychoanalytic Institute, is a Holistic Psychiatrist (Adult, Adolescent, and Child) and Integrative Psychoanalyst in private practice in Boston, MA. Martha is Faculty, Harvard Medical School; Co-Founder and Co-Director, Center for Psychoanalytic Studies, William James College; Faculty, Psychiatry Redefined; Faculty and Scientific Advisory Board, Academy of Comprehensive Integrative Medicine; Adjunct Faculty, Smith College School for Social Work; Former Faculty, Boston Psychoanalytic Institute and Massachusetts Institute for Psychoanalysis; Advisory Board, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute; Originator and Developer, Psychodynamic Synergy Paradigm: A C.A.R.E. Approach to Deep Healing. 

Martha is an award-winning author of nine highly acclaimed books (including Relentless Hope: The Refusal to Grieve) on the integration of psychodynamic theory with clinical practice – several of which have become “required reading” in psychoanalytic training institutes and psychodynamic psychotherapy programs in the United States and abroad. In addition, she has numerous teaching affiliations with local, regional, national, and international psychoanalytic / psychodynamic training programs. Board Certified by the American Association of Integrative Medicine, Martha also contributes chapters to integrative medicine textbooks and articles to peer-reviewed toxicology / environmental medicine journals. Additionally, she serves on the editorial / advisory boards of various holistic health publications. Periodically, she is called upon to offer expert witness testimony on various toxic environmental exposures (including pesticides, volatile organic compounds, and mold).

Fonagy P, Rost R, Carlyle J, McPherson S, Thomas R, Fearon P, Goldberg D, Taylor D. Pragmatic randomized controlled trial of long-term psychoanalytic psychotherapy for treatment-resistant depression: The Tavistock Adult Depression Study (TADS). World Psychiatry – 25 September 2015.

Leichsenring F, Leweke F, Klein S, Steinert C. The empirical status of psychodynamic psychotherapy – An update: Bambi’s alive and kicking. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics – April 2015;84(3).

Lilliengren P. Comprehensive compilation of randomized controlled trials (RCTs) involving psychodynamic treatments and interventions. Research – June 2017.

Mitchell S. 1998. Relational concepts in psychoanalysis. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Smedes G. 1984. Forgive and forget: Healing the hurts we don’t deserve. New York, NY: HarperCollins.

Stark M. 2017. Relentless hope: The refusal to grieve (International Psychotherapy Institute eBook). https://www.freepsychotherapybooks.org/ebook/relentless-hope-2/

Winnicott D. W. 1965. The maturational processes and the facilitating environment. Madison, CT: International Universities Press

Audience: Mental Health Professionals and Students

Psychologists. This program, when attended in its entirety, is available for 2.0 continuing education credits. The Chicago School of Professional Psychology is committed to accessibility and non-discrimination in its continuing education activities. The Chicago School of Professional Psychology is also committed to conducting all activities in conformity with the American Psychological Association’s Ethical Principles for Psychologists. Participants are asked to be aware of the need for privacy and confidentiality throughout the program. If program content becomes stressful, participants are encouraged to process these feelings during discussion periods. If participants have special needs, we will attempt to accommodate them. Please address questions, concerns and any complaints to [email protected]. There is no commercial support for this program nor are there any relationships between the CE Sponsor, presenting organization, presenter, program content, research, grants, or other funding that could reasonably be construed as conflicts of interest. 

Counselors/Clinical Counselors. This program, when attended in its entirety, is available 2.0 hours of continuing education. The Chicago School of Professional Psychology is licensed by the Illinois Department of Financial and Professional Regulation (IDFPR) to provide continuing education programming for counselors and clinical counselors. License Number: 197.000159 

Social Workers. This program, when attended in its entirety, is available for 2.0 hours of continuing education. The Chicago School of Professional Psychology is licensed by the Illinois Department of Financial and Professional Regulation (IDFPR) to provide continuing education programming for social workers. License Number: 159.001036 

MFTs, LPCCs, and LCSWs. Course meets the qualifications for 2.0 hour of continuing education credit for MFTs, LPCCs, and/or LCSWs as required by the California Board of Behavioral Sciences. If you are licensed outside of California please check with your local licensing agency to to determine if they will accept these CEUs. The Chicago School of Professional Psychology is approved by the California Board of Behavioral Sciences (BBS) to offer continuing education programming for MFTs, LPCCs, LEPs, and/or LCSWs. The Chicago School of Professional Psychology is an accredited or approved postsecondary institution that meets the requirements set forth in Sections 4980.54(f)(1), 4989.34, 4996.22(d)(1), or 4999.76(d) of the Code. 

Participation Certificate. The Chicago School of Professional Psychology is able to provide students and other participants who simply wish to have documentation of their attendance at the program a participation certificate. 

Non Psychologists. Most licensing boards accept Continuing Education Credits sponsored by the American Psychological Association but non-psychologists are recommended to consult with their specific state-licensing board to ensure that APA-sponsored CE is acceptable. 

Disclaimer for all programs:  

 If participants have special needs, we will attempt to accommodate them. Please address questions, concerns and any complaints to [email protected]. There is no commercial support for this program nor are there any relationships between the CE Sponsor, presenting organization, presenter, program content, research, grants, or other funding that could reasonably be construed as conflicts of interest.